Being away from home

11:55 AM

What does it feel like to be away from home?
I remember asking myself the same question 5-6 years ago, when I just graduated from elementary school. I had to go to a boarding school in Jakarta, away from home. Not too far, though. But, that was my first step of being away from home. Like literally away.
I have relatives in Jakarta, and I was already used to that city. But, that still didn't help.
I remember I had homesick for a week. I had trouble sleeping and I cried a lot during that week. I was simply suffering. Making friends during that week was hard enough for me. And I was a total idiot lacking self-awareness. Really childish, but I think it was normal because I was really young (If I'm not mistaken, I was only 10). I asked myself, "When can I go home?" but then my brain replied, "Isn't this is home?" and it made me feel depressed. If it's a quote, it would be 慣れない環境心が戸惑う (Goose House, Oto no naru hou e->). It means I was overwhelmed by an unfamiliar environment. And that's perfect to describe how it feels like to be away from home.
But, humans find a way to adapt. As time passes, I eventually felt that my dorm was my second home. When things got better, tho, I graduated. Just when I thought things had gotten better, I knew I had to leave those 'fine' feelings again.
High school. Which is now. My current boarding school now is in Bogor, much further than Jakarta. And, I didn't like Bogor at first because this city held many unpleasant memories for me. So, this game became quite harder. But somehow, a lot easier. I already knew how to manage that 'overwhelming' feeling of once again, being away from home. Strangers living together, not really knowing the people I saw when I woke up.
Not only that. I take Cambridge curriculum, so studying with English without my mom to guide me, that was hard. I had to learn how to literally manage things I couldn't do, all alone. School was frustrating, I didn't know anyone there. And after school when I went 'home', I again didn't really know anyone there. Me 2 years ago, had to live in a place she didn't like, had to fight hard days all alone.
But those hard days, made me grow stronger. Handling things alone, I started to realize that I only have to take care of my own business. People from the school and people from the dorm, they are not the same. So, I thought taking care of other people's business would be a waste of time (it's another story if it's for my friends). That's why I'd rather keep myself busy by doing stuff rather than socializing that didn't give me any benefits.

Being away from home, I realize that there are lots of things to learn when I step out of my comfort zone.

But now, being away from home, now that I've adapted, I learned from my mistakes, this life becomes quite interesting. Not every day is a good day, though. But, being away from home, in my current condition, I feel like I can't wait to discover tomorrow. Home, that doesn't really matter where. My home (my family), I know that I'm not with them 24/7 but I know when I need them, they are always there.
And, being away from home, I feel like I want to go further than this in the future time. Being away from home, that sounds like a good idea!

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